This kid and his little cousin. I've said it before, I'll say it again, he loves his cousin so much. It's been amazing to see how quickly he's bonded with him. When Logan is around, that is where all of Daniel's attention goes and those two are glued together. Logan will make an amazing big brother one day. I think he will be a good, devoted father one day as well. These moments remind me of how big his heart is, how sweet, kind, patient and gentle his handsome little soul is. He is a good kid. I am a lucky mama.
He is also still a teenager and with teenager years comes a lot of pushing the limits, testing the waters and arguing. I've raised Logan to always talk about his feelings. Not to bottle anything up, to get it out there. Well, this has flipped on me because when I say no to something, it's turned into him "not arguing" he'll say "I'm just stating my opinion". Sometimes I really want to say "I don't really give a shit what your opinion is! I'm your mom and what I say goes! Deal with it dude!" I bite my tongue and do not say this, I let him state his side but it's usually still followed up with a no. I do not have to justify my parenting decisions to him but I do try to be fair and give him a reason which is usually not acceptable to him and it ends with me raising my voice saying "stop arguing with me, now!" Which will usually end it if he knows he has gotten me that upset. It's not that I don't care about his feelings, needs or wants because I do, very much. But, there are things he wants to go out and do or something he will want to buy that makes me uncomfortable or uneasy and I am going to say no in those situations. It doesn't mean I don't trust him but as his parent, it's my job to keep him safe and not let him grow up to be a complete ass hole that thinks he is entitled to everything he wants. There is this whole balance you have to find of putting your foot down with out making them want to push you away and not talk to you about anything at all. Logan and I have always been very good with communicating but it is definitely harder now. It's hard for me to find that balance. I would never want him to feel like he couldn't talk to me or come to me. But, I am also his mom, I am his parent and that means sometimes I have to say no, sometimes he won't understand why and that's just how it is as heartless as that may sound.
In those moments he is mad or upset with me, it feels so personal. I remind myself not to take it personally, to take a deep breath and that this time will pass. To try not to let these intense moments overshadow this time right now. He is growing up and growing up is rough. It's still all so fresh from my own experience. I get it. Through the good and the bad, I want to be there, help him, support him, love him and guide him, even if he thinks it's annoying, even if I have to say no and he doesn't like it. I know I'm doing what is best for him. I know that he'll get over it and later that night, we'll make chocolate chip cookies and watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off together. He'll do some silly dance while we brush out teeth before bed to make me laugh and all will be well again. Parenting is tough but even in the hardest parts, I'm slowly, very slowly learning to work through them, to be patient, to breathe and to not take it so personally. To sometimes, just let it go. It doesn't mean I'm being a bad parent that he doesn't like to be told no, it just means I'm being a loving parent, looking out for their kid's best interest. As parents, that is all we can do. We are not perfect, neither are they.
Also, this is how I feel almost every single damn day! This video made me laugh my ass off and cry all at the same time! I thought, "oh my god, this is my inner self!" If your a mom, you can probably relate!