But tonight is one of those nights when I just can't do the feel good, happy parenting post. Tonight is one of those nights that I sat in the shower after crying, hands over my eyes hoping it will help them from not looking completely swollen tomorrow. Crying because parenting is hard, being a wife is hard (as is being a husband, I am in no way discounting that) and having a mixed family is very hard. And no I'm not all "Boo-fucking-hoo feel sorry for me" over here because I know I am very fortunate to have the family, the friends, the people, the belongings and opportunities I have in my life. But that doesn't mean that life it's self is not completely overwhelming at times. And in those times, I get mad. I get mad that no one really talks about those times publicly. That I see no other mothers of teenagers, or mothers with mixed families talking about the struggles that come with it. Sure everyone wants to portray the image of "it's so perfect! We all just accept one another and it's fantastic and smiles here in la-la land all of the time". I just don't believe that and it makes me mad. Even though I know that it absolutely shouldn't. I'm completely guilty myself of putting forth pretty photos and talking mostly about the happy things, the things I am grateful for. I do try to be as honest in this space as I possibly can without airing every bit of our dirty laundry out there. I really do. Of course I don't share every little thing. Everyone needs to keep some things private, deal with their struggles on their own. But sometimes the fact that no one wants to talk about these situations, these hardships, these internal battles, the fact that family is the thing we love most but can bring us to tears faster than anything else just leaves me feeling crazy and terribly alone sometimes. Maybe that's not fair, it's probably not. But tonight, it's how I feel. Tonight was not a night for the glittery, gum drop, unicorn beauty of the internet but it needed to happen because as families, we have to work through things, we have to talk about things, even when it sucks. As family we might fall to our knees but we always bring each other right back up. It can not be a happy, picture perfect life all of the time. I know this, you know this, I just wish more people talked about it, would be open about it and share about it. I'll probably debate hitting publish on this but I always find these are the posts that connect the best with people. The ones I write in a moment, that I get self conscious about because I feel vulnerable. But in the end I think that is good. This is me, this is how I feel. My life is not perfect though I the pictures I post sometimes might say otherwise. Please know that no one on the internet is perfect. They struggle just like you, just like me. I know I need that reminder sometimes. We are all human, we are all getting through life the best we can, these times are what make this life as beautiful as it is and I remind myself of that too.
P.S. I highly recommend Cook's Bison Ranch! Do it, take your kids, go by yourself or take you mom. You'll have a blast!